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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Frustrations

I stand here at this crossroads and I can see so many ways to turn. In some ways I am bound, not because of physical chains but by limitations. If only I could somehow grasp everything that I need to do all at once, grasp and know it all and then rest, oh how I need to rest!

I'm on a cycle, study, stumble, walk a bit and then I fall down. How pathetic I feel sometimes... and yet that is not the entire story either, I'm determined... at least to keep going. Really, no one's going to be able to tell me how great I am, that's not what I want to hear. I want stare up at the stars at night and wonder, "what's out there?" When I am alone I want to be able to hear my own thoughts, be guided by the wisdom of the universe.

I want to feel new, excited and clean again!

I want to look at a beautiful painting and to say "I like that!" or not. To feel that life if mostly undiscovered and that I have time to discover it... yet I am trapped in the expediency of concentration, though I can't concentrate, and lamintation... though really, what is there to lament? Yet I do, and I wonder what next? If all I can do is wind around in circles trying to catch my tail than what good is all of this anyway?

Yet what else can I do? What else? Give up?

For the sake of all goodness, don't give me any advice... I already know that I can do it. I'm just tired...

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Fleeting

There is a moment where in weariness you look out at the world and plead, plead for a taste of fresh forgotten youth. Or is it home that you are longing for?

Either way it comes to me in the midst of the night as I'm bumping about the house hoping to catch a moment of the past lurking in the corner.

I catch a bit of it here, a bit there

Sometimes though I wonder what happened to the wonder

Little potato bugs rolled up in a ball, water skeeters, the flow of a sudden stream in the gutter off into the unknown regions of tomorrow. 

Remember watching leaves and sticks flow away in the current? Life is like that

Swiftly passing by, headless of the obstacles

You cannot grasp onto the stationary semblances of the past, the current is too strong

Hopefully though, I will be like the rough cut stone, which when tossed about will become a shining gem.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Beginning and The End

History of the world,

Streams of information formulating infinitely minute changes

changes gradually made over the course of a lifetime

a lifetime which never ends

reflections of a generation

an exploration of change

a melding molding morphing infinity

for one minute second

I breathed.