I am the odd duck
Ugly squawking thing
I ask for help but no one understands because I look fine.
I see that I will have to fend for myself, I am normal after all
So I sift all the messages, yet always seem to be lacking something
I want to but I cannot run
Everything irritates me I am dizzy and uncertain, there are always tears
I feel as though the swirling darkness will swallow me whole, I wish it would
So I borrow the ideals of others to be thin
Success is heady
Yet with each healthy muffin that I eat I find myself disappearing
Then why can I not lift this weight?
Each step becoming heavier than the last, and my tongue feels leaden in my throat.
Yet what could be wrong? I am doing everything right.
I lay down and close my aching eyes.
I am being swallowed up in nothingness, weak light, weak breath
I feel nothing, no pain, nothing
Slipping away I reach for a pen to write a last note to my sister.
I cannot eat, so I don’t
In the morning I awaken
I don’t eat what I usually do, only fruit
Then fruit and vegetables
Fruit, vegetables and meat
Steamed veggies, seared meat, raw milk, and rice
I can breath, I can think, I can feel
I can feel!! I can run!!
The sky is so blue, the mountains so green, it is beautiful
I feel vibrancy, I feel life flowing through me and in me from my head to my feet.
Joy! I am alive!