Sunday, March 11, 2018

Happiness is...

Happiness is

My little home, a safe haven

Where joy is found in the simplicity of color that I splashed on the walls

Pleasing to me, comfortable like an old friend

A cat curled up and purring by my side

as I take some time to relax and read

A break from the day to day grind of work.

Happiness is

finally spending time with my sister

many years separate us, some misunderstandings as well

until I rent the wound that had torn her heart and festered

we now have the time to be the sisters I always wanted to be.

Happiness is

Learning integrity in word and deed without the threat of eternal damnation hanging over my head

learning of morality and morals as a thing of condemnation

rather than the beautiful jewels in the garment of my being

Happiness is

Hearing about people who are compassionate and kind

brave and couragous

doing things that no one has ever dreamed

Happiness is the fleeting moments in between sadness, anxiety, despair and all the breadth of human

calamities and commotion that make up the fabric of life.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018


I have no time to write, so I will snatch a moment from the in-between

in-between moments, in-between rushing to or from work.

in-between friendships where we say hello, and how are you, without much sincerity, all those friends live in the in-between as well.

in-between co-workers who care, but we don't have enough time in-between meetings to get to know  each other well.

in-between life, a moment in this realty a moment in the next, never enough time to know what it all means.

in-between poverty and wealth

sincerity and facade

and in-between that all those I've lost because they've wanted all or none of me and really I am in-between being and becoming

I've no more time in-between now and then, no way to return once I've passed in-between stages

in-between now and then, and again.

Friday, August 18, 2017


You disappeared and the dark cold world pressed in
I shivered with uncomfortable loneliness where at least before you lay breathing, alive if not kind
An empty chamber where my words fell lifeless, powerless
You left, and all I had were shattered hopes
and ghosts rattling down the hallway of our home
The pain was so sharp, the wounds so deep, the world so desolate
I bought soothing music and a soft light to take off the edge
Still I couldn't sleep
Night after night
Too weak to withstand the silence
so I searched for kind words
I found remnants of what we had
the price was so high, I couldn't pay
my soul already torn apart
your name was imprinted on my tongue
why is it there?
You hate me
I still don't know why

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

For the shivers...

Speak to me in whispers against my ear, speak of the rain against the window and the wind in the trees. Speak of clear mountain water falling through crevices, cascading into pools of shimmering breathlessness and press a kiss against my hair. Speak of music low and sweet, lilting and lovely and turn the key to a world that neither has known.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Sometimes I feel as though I'm waiting for something amazing to happen. Some glorious being come down from the midst of the clouds to shine upon us all, else some kind soul to stop and pay attention to me sitting here, at my desk, whitling away the time until I can go home... to yawn, my messy, messy house... just thinking of my living conditions gives me anxiety, dirty ugly carpet, kitchen drawers askew, horrible bathroom vanity with the new bottom and old Formica top. Couldn't the dang landlord spring for a new counter for the bathroom for crying out loud! Else I wish to find some audio book that will infuse me with a sense of well being, a new way of thinking, something that will give me a spark of intelligence and wit to speak to my fellow beings. Alas most of my pedantic thoughts are contained within my own head and never escape. Probably for the best. I want something amazing to happen. Where is the glorious happiness that we are all looking for? I wonder

First published in 2014


People say they want unity, a joyful alliance.

What they're searching for is avoidance of heart ache.

They see others as a threat, a different point of view.

Different and thus dangerous, there's no room for disagreement.

Alone in a crowded room, alone among laughter, revelry and good times for those who fit a certain mold.

Shadows pass by

Here and there they stand out

A bright personality

A shade

Here they are accepted

Drag queen and fluttering fairy goddesses

Shimmering gowns

Simmering sounds

Smoke all around, in and out

A circle for those who belong

A lonely table for those who don't

It's all so fantastic, incredible! The sounds, the beats, the spirits


Buenas Noches to my illusions

Buenas noches my darling. I lay here staring at false stars, thinking about life. When wounded my heart bleeds in poetry. Little drops, here and there... More when the emptiness of the night creeps in. It's as though I woke from a beautiful dream. I lost the sense of safety and hope for future plans. The silence makes me doubt it was ever real. Little drops of blood on my pillow. Pin pricks throughout the day. So many illusions shattered in so short a time. And all I hear is silence,what was real?