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Saturday, June 23, 2018

Diagnostics of a Broken Heart

So far, so good

The bleeding's stopped, mostly

The pressure behind the eyes, diminished

Replacement fluids, started

Internal damage might be irreparable, there's scarring

A piece is missing, it can never be replaced

The patient is still vulnerable

Damaged

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

King John - Constance

I love this scene from the play...

CONSTANCE
Thou art not holy to belie me so;
I am not mad: this hair I tear is mine;
My name is Constance; I was Geffrey's wife;
Young Arthur is my son, and he is lost:
I am not mad: I would to heaven I were!
For then, 'tis like I should forget myself:
O, if I could, what grief should I forget!
Preach some philosophy to make me mad,
And thou shalt be canonized, cardinal;
For being not mad but sensible of grief,
My reasonable part produces reason
How I may be deliver'd of these woes,
And teaches me to kill or hang myself:
If I were mad, I should forget my son,
Or madly think a babe of clouts were he:
I am not mad; too well, too well I feel
The different plague of each calamity.
http://shakespeare.mit.edu/john/john.3.4.html 

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Happiness is...

Happiness is

Spending time in my little home, a safe haven

finding joy in the subtle color I splashed on the walls

and a cat curled up and purring by my side

I take some time to relax and read

a nice break from the day to day grind of work.

Happiness is

finally spending time with my sister

many years separate us, some misunderstandings as well

all things have been resolved

we now have the time to be the sisters I always wanted to be.

Happiness is

Learning integrity in word and deed without the threat of eternal damnation hanging over my head

learning of morality and morals not as a thing of condemnation

rather beautiful jewels in the garment of my being

Happiness is

Hearing about people who are compassionate and kind

brave and couragous

doing things that no one has ever dreamed

Happiness is

the fleeting moments in between sadness, anxiety, despair and all the breadth of human

calamities and commotion that make up the fabric of life.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

In-Between

I have no time to write, so I will snatch a moment from the in-between

in-between moments, in-between rushing to or from work.

in-between friendships where we say hello, and how are you, without much sincerity, all those friends live in the in-between as well.

in-between co-workers who care, but we don't have enough time in-between meetings to get to know  each other well.

in-between life, a moment in this realty a moment in the next, never enough time to know what it all means.

in-between poverty and wealth

sincerity and facade

and in-between that all those I've lost because they've wanted all or none of me and really I am in-between being and becoming

I've no more time in-between now and then, no way to return once I've passed in-between stages

in-between now and then, and again.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Gone

You disappeared and the dark cold world pressed in
I shivered with uncomfortable loneliness where at least before you lay breathing, alive if not kind
An empty chamber where my words fell lifeless, powerless
You left, and all I had were shattered hopes
and ghosts rattling down the hallway of our home
The pain was so sharp, the wounds so deep, the world so desolate
I bought soothing music and a soft light to take off the edge
Still I couldn't sleep
Night after night
Too weak to withstand the silence
so I searched for kind words
I found remnants of what we had
the price was so high, I couldn't pay
my soul already torn apart
your name was imprinted on my tongue
why is it there?
You hate me
I still don't know why


Wednesday, April 12, 2017

For the shivers...

Speak to me in whispers against my ear, speak of the rain against the window and the wind in the trees. Speak of clear mountain water falling through crevices, cascading into pools of shimmering breathlessness and press a kiss against my hair. Speak of music low and sweet, lilting and lovely and turn the key to a world that neither has known.

Thursday, April 6, 2017



Sometimes I feel as though I'm waiting for something amazing to happen. Some glorious being come down from the midst of the clouds to shine upon us all, else some kind soul to stop and pay attention to me sitting here, at my desk, whitling away the time until I can go home... to yawn, my messy, messy house... just thinking of my living conditions gives me anxiety, dirty ugly carpet, kitchen drawers askew, horrible bathroom vanity with the new bottom and old Formica top. Couldn't the dang landlord spring for a new counter for the bathroom for crying out loud! Else I wish to find some audio book that will infuse me with a sense of well being, a new way of thinking, something that will give me a spark of intelligence and wit to speak to my fellow beings. Alas most of my pedantic thoughts are contained within my own head and never escape. Probably for the best. I want something amazing to happen. Where is the glorious happiness that we are all looking for? I wonder

First published in 2014